I think the biggest thing that I need to get over with this whole “one photo a day” project, is getting over the fact that people may look at me funny. Or they may start random conversations. I guess I’m afraid that they’ll come up to me and be like are you a photographer? and I’d be like no, not really. and then they’d be like can I take a look at your photo? and then they’d see it and be like This is a shitty picture.
So when taking pictures, I don’t look around my environment, enjoy my scenery, look at best angles for things, linger in the moment, etc etc. If I see something I find interesting, I quickly take my camera out, take a few snaps, make sure it’s not blurry, and quickly put my camera back in my bag.
And it’s not just with taking pictures, it’s with a lot of things that I become self consciously fearful of being judged. Whenever I cook something new, I often times will try to look inconspicuously at whomever is eating my food, trying hard to read their expression to see if they are enjoying what I’ve prepared.
“Why are you giving me this lingering look?” my husband once asked me after trying a macaron I had baked.
“I’m trying to see if you like it or not,” I responded, defensively
“I told you it’s good.”
“Yea, but said that while you’re nonchalantly looking at your tab. So I don’t really know if you’re just saying that just to appease me or .. if it’s really good”
“Well, I’m eating it.”
Or with my writing, I find that I’m never finish anything because I’m so worried about what other people will think.
I know I need to get over it and remind myself that what I do, whether it is photography, or cooking, or writing, it’s for me. It’s because it makes me happy and is something I enjoy it, regardless of what other may think.